@1 month ago with 147906 notes
isn’t your first birthday technically your second
@1 month ago with 101263 notes
they call them “goosebumps” because there are little, tiny, microscopic geese living inside of you and when you’re in a cold place they think they have reached the north and they all try to get out
@1 month ago with 28561 notes
when u have to pee but then later u dont have to pee anymore but you never peed????????? where did pee go!!!
@1 month ago with 141030 notes
There should be a treadmill that plays movies and TV shows but if you slow down the audio goes out of sync by a whole second.
Calm the fuck down satan
@1 month ago with 152159 notes
I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast
@2 months ago with 92914 notes
dogs are the perfect napkins because they just think you’re petting them
did you ever stop to think people are reading this sentence in different accents
(via thatsmoderatelyraven)@1 month ago with 278189 notes
@1 month ago with 212316 notes
you finally sneak into the dragon’s cave and find his treasure chest. you open it and there is just a macaroni drawing by the dragon’s son.
"ITS TREASURE TO MEEEEE" the dragon bellows
@1 month ago with 112736 notes
shall i compare thee to summers day
u make me very sweaty and uncomfortable
@2 months ago with 137137 notes
whenever you see a centaur they always have abs. how does a centaur get abs? how do you do ab workouts when half your body is a fucking horse?
@2 months ago with 150857 notes
if i die tonight it’s because i ate 3 calcium supplement gummies instead of the recommended 2 and my bones got too strong and wild and left my weak body to find a better one