galehawthorne:

isn’t your first birthday technically your second

@2 months ago with 147898 notes

figurants:

they call them “goosebumps” because there are little, tiny, microscopic geese living inside of you and when you’re in a cold place they think they have reached the north and they all try to get out

(Source: humbleanimefan, via runescrap)

@2 months ago with 101265 notes

deanprincesster:

when u have to pee but then later u dont have to pee anymore but you never peed????????? where did pee go!!!

@2 months ago with 28558 notes

xxunlovelyxx:

pizzaforpresident:

There should be a treadmill that plays movies and TV shows but if you slow down the audio goes out of sync by a whole second.

Calm the fuck down satan

@2 months ago with 141223 notes

youngstero:

I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast

@2 months ago with 152169 notes

foodfinisher:

dogs are the perfect napkins because they just think you’re petting them

@3 months ago with 92928 notes

imjust-kyian:

scroturn:

i get really offended when someone doesnt sit next to me but im also relieved they didnt sit next to me

this is the most accurate thing i’ve ever read

(via dutchster)

@3 months ago with 584441 notes

uoa:

never give up on your dreams

keep sleeping

@2 months ago with 834796 notes

goldenthong:

did you ever stop to think people are reading this sentence in different accents 

(via thatsmoderatelyraven)

@2 months ago with 278490 notes

batreaux:

you finally sneak into the dragon’s cave and find his treasure chest. you open it and there is just a macaroni drawing by the dragon’s son.

"ITS TREASURE TO MEEEEE" the dragon bellows 

@2 months ago with 212501 notes

amoying:

shall i compare thee to summers day

u make me very sweaty and uncomfortable

@2 months ago with 112725 notes

danielkanhai:

whenever you see a centaur they always have abs. how does a centaur get abs? how do you do ab workouts when half your body is a fucking horse?

@3 months ago with 137407 notes

itsvondell:

if i die tonight it’s because i ate 3 calcium supplement gummies instead of the recommended 2 and my bones got too strong and wild and left my weak body to find a better one

@3 months ago with 150898 notes

rabioheab:

a boy and a girl are sitting together on a bench after a romantic date. “can i kiss you?” the boy says. the girl nods and the boy pulls out black and white face paint and starts putting it on her face. “you’re going to be gene simmons” he whispers.

@3 months ago with 239847 notes